Do you maintain on 2600?
between 2300-2600 yeah :)
why are you discharging yourself huN?
I want to face the world and not stay in hospital. Here is the letter i wrote to my consultant:
I am not making a spontanteous decision. I have had this in mind ever since the first home leave when I’d asked to stay longer. It was either stay longer or go and at the time I was so scared so i was asking to stay. After a few more home leaves going wrong i began rethinking the situation. I realise that no matter how long i stay here, things are not going to improve unless i am fully dedicated to recovery and sadly I dont think I am. No amount of fluoxatine is going to prevent me from binging, no real life motivastion is going to stop me purging and my fluctuating mood must be my personailty and hormones running havoc.
I have learnt a lot about myself this admission. A hell of a lot. That I am impulsive at times, prefer to act sponataneously rather than plan ahead, that i am a lot better at a healthy weight than i eve rfelt when i was anorexic, that all of you are lovely people who want to help me, that i am deserving of things, that people like me for who i am not by my weight or shape, that i am committed to general life things like working and helping people, that my family are the most important thing in the world to me, that i do make irrational decisions at times like running off to algeria to get married but most of all i have learnt to accept myself. And that is what i cant thank you enough for. I finally accept Miriam as a person rather than letting my weight define me.
I am struggling lot but i think tooing and froing doesnt help the matter. The feelings i have when i am at home is something i am going to have to get through. Im not saying i wont have slip iup because it ois inevitable isntit but what i am saying is i am going to have to sit thrugh the shit to get better and learn from it on my own. Its going to be tough and the first week out is most likely one of the mopst terrifying yet, but i am going to feel the fear andf get on with it. Once i kno I am out there without this place as a safety net to come back to on a bad day, i really think i wilkl benefit. I am going to increase my time out in the week, do more days in the charity shop, find a charity shop, see lots ofschool friends, proceed to start arty tots, and plan college courses/a levels for septemeber. But most of all i am going to get onwitha remotely normal life. In the meantime i will continue my tgherapy with vanessa and keep working on my emotions and different coping stratagies i have tried here. Probably going to have more bad days than good but like i said i need to get through them without knowing i can run away. I am not open for dicussion about my decision. I am going pon the 3rd march 2014.
thanks for everything, its time i faced everything and did something about it and hopefully my dedication to recovery will grow independantly within time.